Los Angeles. New York. Lucerne.

I have to admit that I don't dislike LA anymore. I have become kind of a fan. I mean, there's the ocean, nature, everything, but still, this is not home. It's a kind of home, but it more feels like I have gone to boarding school and I'll leave again when it's over, only that, contrary to boarding school, it's not just finish school and move on. 
No, this one is a bit harder.
I now have two and a half years left to either make it, or break it. And that's not pretty. People keep telling me to have patience, but my patience is running out. I know I currently can't leave here, out of multiple reasons, first, I am too far into the game to go somewhere else and start over new. Meaning, I can't just pack my bags and go to NY, which believe me, I'd do in a heartbeat.
So this is currently it and it drives me mad that I know that if I could just get this one thing, this one break, the whole deal, I could move on.
Not move on from making movies, hell that will never happen, but maybe it would give me the liberty to go somewhere else, live somewhere else, return to LA for work.
Some say that making a vision board helps. In all honesty, it just made me sad. Because when it came to where I want to live one day I kept stumbling over two places: New York and Lucerne. Two homes, miles apart. My little heart is torn between the place I grew up in and the one that I feel I truly belong in. The one that all my friends and family live at and the one I remember being truly and completely happy.
Lucerne and New York.
Those are two amazing cities, not going to lie. You have to be kind of lucky when your brain gets torn by that one. Lucky enough that I was able to spend longer periods of time in both places. But that leads me to wanting to go back to both.

Two places, completely different in their entire totality. One housing millions of people, always awake, always something to do. The other calm, almost fairytale like.
Friendly to rude. Overwhelming to charming.
And still: New York gives me a calmness, just looking at the traffic, the never ending symmetrical streets, the towering houses, it makes me calm down, realize that you're not alone, hell, in fact, you'll definitely never will be alone if you're in New York! There's always someone! There's always someone. Someone going, someone doing, someone working, it takes me in. Honestly, I believe I was the best I've ever been when I was in New York.
But than there's Lucerne. A fairytale. My fairytale. My friends and family. Knowing that if I just go into town I'll meet at least one person I know. It's calm, sometimes even quiet. All my friends are within 1 hour reach and everyone drinks.
I need both. And some might say that Los Angeles would make the somewhat bridge between that, but I disagree. Los Angeles has it's own character. Some say it's a brutal city, then I tell them they have never been to New York, some say it's calm, I tell them to go to Switzerland, the truth is, Los Angeles is something I don't even know if it even exists. It's a place perceived so differently from so many different people. If you've made it here, you love it, if you don't you hate it. I guess that puts me somewhere between making it and not too. There are great things here, and when you learn to look behind all the pretend to be and you find the people, you might even find some of the best, but it takes time.
Everything takes time.
Patience. Isn't that what they say? Patience.
One day I won't have to choose. I'll work here, I'll work there, I'll work wherever work takes me and I'll live wherever seems best to calm me down. It's just getting there. But I'm getting there.