Memories of San Francisco.

A short picture summary of what Thanksgiving was like:

Wenn Zeit in Geschichte übergeht, doch keine Blüten trägt, werden Zukunftsbilder blass. - Clueso

Dinge die du nicht tun kannst.

Ich war schon immer ein Mensch der ein 'Nicht möglich' nicht als Antwort gelten liess. Selten hat mich jemand davon überzeugen können das etwas wirklich eine schlechte Idee war wenn ich meinen Kopf schon in der Schlinge hatte und meist mit brilliantem Ende. Ich mag es unmögliches Möglich zu machen und doch bin ich nun an einem Punkt wo ich zwischen sicher und unsicher entscheiden muss und zum sicheren Weg tendiere. Auditions are comming up Friday. Es ist DAS ding in diesem Semester, eigentlich basiert alles was wir tun auf diesem einen Tag. Finals sind wichtig, alles was wir tun ist wichtig, doch wo wir nächstes Semester landen basiert hauptsächlich auf diesem einen Tag. Grundsätzlich stresst mich das nicht, ich weiss was ich tue, ich habe mein Lied, doch dann kommt der Shakespeare Monolog. Shakespeare. Etwas das immer meine Stärke war, etwas in dem mich Karen förderte und mir dinge gab die meine Welt neu erschaffen haben. Shakespeare. Doch nun. Karen will das ich mit dem Winter's Tale Monolog an die Audition gehe, ein brillianter Monolog, so viel Ironie, so viel hass, Liebe, Rebellion, Planung, so viel von alle dem, einer der schwersten Monologe. Sie will das ich ihn nehme weil sie glaubt das ich es kann, weil sie glaubt das es ein guter Monolog für mich ist und das ich ihn richtig ausarbeiten kann und dafür bin ich dankbar. Doch dann gibt es da andere Meinungen. Heute hab ich drei mal gehört das es unmöglich sei diesen Monolog für die Auditions zu nehmen, das die Zeit fehlt, das alles fehlt und das ich damit durchfallen würde. Das Ding ist, heute morgen hatte ich die Idee den Monolog zu wechseln zu Othellos Emilia Monolog. Ich weiss ihn by heart. Keinen andern Monolog hab ich so häufig verwendet wie den von Emilia. Ich hab ihn in meinen Knochen, in jeder Faser meines Körpers, und damit würde ich scheinen - der leichte Weg. Doch will ich wirklich den leichten Weg gehen? Jeder der ein Verständinss von Shakespeare hat kann Emilias Monolog vorführen. Jeder der die Englische Sprache versteht weiss wovon sie spricht. Bei Paulia ist es anders. Sie ändert ihre Tonalität praktisch linienweise ohne zu vergessen was sie will. Er ist so mächtig, doch ich weiss im Moment einfach nicht ob ich das noch hinkriege. Doch dann wiederrum: Ich lasse mir nicht gerne sagen was ich nicht tun kann. Sollte ich den Paulina Monolog nehmen wird meine Audition schwarz, nacht schwarz. Mein Lied ist dunkel, der Monolog noch dunkler. Nehm ich Emilia hab ich ne balance. Ich weiss nicht. Mein Hirn ist aus. Beide Monologe kann ich auswendig, ich werde an beiden arbeiten, der Weg wird sich zeigen. Den leichten Weg zu nehmen war noch nie meine Stärke. Möge die Zeit bestimmen.

Bad news first.

So, the trip was awesome, and I could go on, and I will put up pictures, but just to get it out of my system - there was some terrible shit happening this weekend.
Remember the car? The awesome car? Well, some idiot backed up into it and drove away. Goodbye. That was terrible! Plus, to drive back from San Fran it took about 9 hours. 9! Instead of 5, which it took us to get there, that's almost double! Anyways, other than that it was awesome. Getting out of the city was good. It's weird to be back here. So much shit to do and I really don't know how to get it all done till tomorrow. Fuck this. Whatever. I'll do it.
Lots of love.
xoxo

The Car.

Like I already mentioned: I'm glad I don't have to take my car up to San Fran. I would not like the brakes to brake half way through the trip. So, I can take Micaelas car, gosh honey, you literally saved my life. Plus, the car is friggin awesome! Holly.... I don't really know what to say, just Holly... yea. I want a baby like this! But till I get there, there's a lot of work ahead of me. Well, it kinda seems that a car like that might be worth the struggle. No sound, pure comfort. Gosh it's like driving on a cloud! Anyways, I should stop dreaming, fold laundry and go to bed. It's a long trip tomorrow. Well, I'm looking forward to it! The more time I can spend in this car the better!

The baby kind of looks like this, except, it's blue. Like I said: Holly -

THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving is coming up! Thursday! REAL food, I can't believe it! It sounds so good, and it might even been snowing! Thank god I'm getting a real car to drive up there. But snow? It sounds incredible. And I'm going to see fall to when we're stoping by Selas. I deserve this brake, and I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of it! San Francisco, Black Friday, Santa Rosa, Snow, Fall, it sounds like a dream. Let's make it come true! I'm going to miss Jack Daniels though, but Debora will take good care of him. My little bunny. He's so smart. I love him <3

16 hours.

I just woke up after 16 hours of sleep. I love afternoon classes. And I definitely needed those 16 hours. Now, let's get breakfast.

And here I am again.

It's four AM and I'm still up - again.
I am a night person, there's no use denying that. I do my best work in the night, but it's still crazy. Well at least I have company. I don't think I've ever seen Jack Daniels sleep since I've got him.
Anyways, I'm working on my new scene: Intimate Relations. I hate when they're translating titles, because if someone had told me that the original piece was called 'Les parents terrible'....
Well I found out, didn't I.
It's quiet brilliant.
I don't really like the scene we're doing from it, but the play itself is. Well, it has a lot of resemblance to 'Les enfants terrible' - who would have thought, since they're both written by Cocteau...
I'm still slightly pissed. Out of the scenes we're now doing in class, Intimate relations was the only one I haven't have read. They're doing 'A Dolls House', 'Hedda Gabler' and 'The Jewish Wife'. Everyone who knows me, knows how much I love Ibsen! (And Brecht, but I don't really like it in english, so I don't really care) But I'm not complaining. I like this play. It's going to be a lot of talking. And finally I can walk around in nice dresses and high heels for a scene again - haha!

And that's how a script looks if you stop marking your lines, but start marking everything anyone ever says about you. haha

That's a conversation I just can't have tonight

Brilliance. I have to admit I love the purple thingy, but the choir boys are slightly freaking me out (call me weird, or normal, I don't care)

What is happening?!

Rain. Heavy, pouring rain.
Remember me bitching about the fact that LA people apparently are not able to drive in the rain? - Today I found out why. We were out in Santa Clarita for Kelseys birthday, and today we had to get back:
LA car, LA streets, heavy, pouring rain.
I wished I had a rental car, because out of some reason they cope better with the rain. I remember driving back from San Francisco about a year ago going: Why can no one drive in this weather?!
Well we got in my car today, it was raining (yea, i'm going to repeat that), and we drove out. Nothing I haven't seen before, but after about 500 meters there it was, the combination that scared the shit out of me. I (tried) to stop at a stoplight and within a milli second realized that my car had no grip, the brakes were doing crapy and as soon as I got on the brake my car started breaking out. Great, we weren't even on the Highway yet, plus the rain wasn't that heavy. I coped. I've never experianced anything like that, I mean, when it was flooded in Lucerne, yes, but not like that!
So I coped with it, and then the second we hit the highway it started pouring, seriously pouring. I've never seen something like that. I couldn't see further then 50 meters in front of me and LA drivers apparently don't get that they should turn on the lights when their driving in the rain. Plus, LA roads are not built like European ones, no they have holes in them HUGE FUCKING HOLES filled with water! - And a care without aquaplaning. We made it. We got off the Highway and we were alive! It was crazy. I thought the worst was over but - nonononono! Hollywood streets are worse. Knowing that we actually have hills, all the streets are flooded. Badly flooded, like crazy. Who needs to go the the Universal Studios to go on a water ride when you can have it for free in Hollywood on a rainy day? Well yea. I made it, I survived, we're all well. It needs to stop raining! No not even raining, but pouring. My Apartment complex is practically flooded, and I'm glad it didn't hit my apartment yet. This is crazy. Believe me, it is.

Happy Birthday

It's my girls birthday! Kelsey's finally turning 21!
Happy birthday

In der Liebe und im Krieg ist alles erlaubt.

Schauspielerei ist Krieg. Es ist Krieg mit dir selbst, mit deinen Szenepartnern und allen voran, Krieg mit dem Text. Jedes Wort das einmal ein Schriftsteller niedergeschrieben hat, ist gesetzt wie das Spannen eines Bogens, bis der Pfeil schliesslich trifft, direkt ins schwarze. Jeder Schriftsteller hat seine eigene Anleitung für den Krieg den du als Schauspieler führen sollst, und wenn du die niedergeschriebene Sprache nicht verstehst, wirst du den Kampf verlieren.
In der Liebe und im Krieg ist alles erlaubt. Dann sollt ich mich mal waffnen, denn ich habe nicht vor zu verlieren.

All said.

You are the hole in my head, You are the space in my bed

You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said 

You are the night time fear

You are the morning, when it's clear

When it's over your start 

You're my head - You're my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes

I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day

You can chose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light

Tell me what you want me to say

Through the crowd I was crying out and

In your place there were a thousand other faces

 I was disappearing in plain sight

Heaven help me, I need to make it right

You are the revelation - You are to get it right

But, it's a conversation, I just can't have tonight

You are the revelation, some kind of resolution

You are the revelation

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes

I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day,

You can chose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay 

No light, no light

Tell me what you want me to say

Would you leave me,

If I told you what I've done?

And would you leave me,

If I told you what I've become?

'Cause it's so easy,

To sing it to the crowd

But it's so hard, my love,

To say it to you, all alone

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes

I never knew daylight could be so violent 

A revelation in the light of day,

You can chose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light

Tell me what you want me to say

You are the revelation - You are to get it right

But, it's a conversation, I just can't have tonight

You are the revelation, some kind of resolution.

You are the revelation.

You are the revelation - You are to get it right.

But, it's a conversation, I just can't have tonight.

You are the revelation, some kind of resolution 

Tell me what you want me to say.

Florence and the Machine - No Light, No Light

Meet Jack Daniels

I named it - Jack Daniels. Gosh I really hope it's a boy. It's so freaking distracting that I haven't got work done up to now, so I thought I might as well name it. So voilà Jack Daniels it is. You better be a boy you silly rabbit.

And yes, we gonna rule the world (the picture kind of looks like that)

The bunny on my couch.

I have a bunny.
It's scary and cute at the same time. When did I ever think of getting a bunny! It's a living, breathing creature! It's a cute living, breathing creature, but it can not take care of itself, so I have to and that scares the shit out of me. Well, it's living with me now - on my couch, because I can't put it in the cage, because it brakes my heart to put it in a cage, so it lives with me on my couch.
It doesn't have a name either. First I don't know if it's a boy or a girl because it's only a month old, second, WHY am I allowed to name a bunny? It should be able to choose it's own name, but it cannot talk. Buttercup does not suit it, because it's grey and fluffy. So at the moment I'm going between Cesar, Jack Daniels and Monroe.
What did I get myself into?! Goddamn it, it's so cute!

PS: I saw a unicorn! <3

I know this is old, but I love this video so deeply:

Don't let us discover Photo Booth.

We decided not to go to the party, but instead have a girls night with Martinis - this is what happened. We also started a Facebook war, which I unfortunately didn't win, but after 113 notifications on my phone I gave up - this victory belongs to Mikaela. We're crazy. We're also actors, which apparently equals with Pumpkin seeds. And you get mood swings because you're on a mountain and the cold reminds you of the time when your daddy locked you in the freezer. I love nights like that.

Good People.

Above it all.

I miss fall.

Reasons why I love and miss fall:

1. Nothing is like the colors in fall
2. Nothing's like a clear fall breeze.
3. The sound of the wind blowing the leaves around.
4. You can wear fall clothes.
5. It's cooler but not yet freezing cold
6. You can throw leaves in the air and have the most amazing kind of rain.
7. It is so calm.
8. You can smell the winter coming.
9. Every pictures looks prettier in the fall
10. You can walk around in colorful rain boots after a day of rain and match the colors.
11. Hot chocolate
12. The movie seasons get better.
13. Calm nights next to a fireplace.
14. I actually like fall clothes and lumberjack jackets better then any summer dress
15. And let's say it again: The colors
16. The colors
17. The colors.

I miss real fall. <3

Loyalty, Faithfulness, and forever ever after is NOT the same thing.

Let me explain. About 3 weeks ago my girls and I got into an argument about if it's even natural to look for the one and only person to spend your life with. - Well that's what I thought, and for some of it so did the others, but all of a sudden this whole thing got confused with being loyal and faithful. And I insist that it's not. You can be totally loyal and faithful and still end up not having an ever lasting relationship. If there even is something like an ever lasting relationship. It's a nice thought, but then we're back to the discussion we originally had.
Now, this theme keeps on returning. Today I got a post saying that swans are monogamous. Replying to that, that "I bet they are but that doesn't mean that they will spend their entire life with just one other swan having just lived in one swanrelationship" I got a comeback from my other friend saying: "Well they have to be faithful, they wait a year before they have sex" 
Now I'm confused and I don't really remember why I wrote this post. But never mind. I bet they are faithful, hach - is it just me or am I right (I still believe I am right hahah) Never mind. Have a wonderful new week.

Monologues.

Just because I'm in love with the Monologue I'm doing (hihihihihi):

I’m living with a twenty-eight year old virgin. That’s not right! Not a Mormon, not a religious thing, just plain stupid. You would think someone had sewn her vagina shut. Who in her right mind would willingly abstain from something that could give so much pleasure and pain at the same time? I asked that myself again and again. I just don’t get it. And neither does she.

She bakes cookies, watches nothing but reality TV and talks on the phone for hours with her parents from New Jersey.

She also has a severe case of OCD, so after I go to bed she would come out of her room, makes sure all the appliances are turned off and rewash any dishes I had washed. You would think I’m living with Rain Man.

Not only has she not had any sexual contact since we’ve been living together, she also rarely goes out at night. More important, she doesn’t like alcohol. There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: People who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.

I asked her once during an election if she could name the two presidential candidates. She said, “Duh, Gore and Bush”

I said, “Okay, and who’s Gore’s vice president?”

She said, “I’m not that stupid… Bush.”

Her room is covered in roses and ‘N Sync posters. You would think she hasn’t gotten her period yet. She takes a bath every night and never takes showers. She cried the first time she was pulled over by a cop. I explained to her that there is no reason to cry when getting pulled over – unless you’re coming directly from a crime scene.

And when we were living together on 9/11 and she was convinced it wasn’t a big deal because her father had told her everything would be all right.

I even tried to hire a male prostitute, but it turned out that even he found DumbDumb to stupid. He told me there was only so much he could here about Lion King.

So please? 

Cut together from 'My Horizontal Life' by Chelsea Handler

Now I definitely need to go to sleep. I might have an hour more, but that will not change much if I just keep staying up.

Florence.

Because the album is wonderful... <3 I could go with 'Shake it out' or 'What the water gave me', but I actually truly love this: <3

Edited

These are the happy faces of two girls, who just finished editing after about 6-7 hours. Yes, we're proud. And crazy and probably we're going mad. But that's fine. Plus we have the song Dragula stuck in our heads. Bad song, but it's there. Love

Kitty.

I love Haze, I want to steal Haze, I want Haze to be mine (and I don't even like cats, but this one is just plain awesome!)

Horizont Erweiterung.

So, neben den Stücken für die ich alle off Book sein muss für nächste Woche, den selbstgeschriebenen Monologen, dem Vergangenen Irish (thank god) und dem kommenden NY (YES!!!!!) Akzent hat unser geliebter Schauspiellehrer für nächste woche neue Monologe angekündigt. Okay, alles gut. Wann? "Seit jeden Tag bereit, irgendwann sag ich einfach jetzt" Na grossartig. Jeden Tag mit Kostum rumlaufen? Zum glück gibt es Autos. Doch etwas gutes hattes dran. Nach nun wieder 6 Wochen in denen ich nichts anderes als Stücke gelesen habe, hat mir Mr. Martin ein Lichtblick gegeben: "Die besten Monologe kommen meist nicht aus theaterstücken sonder aus Büchern" Ha, meine Chance. Ich hab mir mein Treues Flugbegleiter Buch geschnappt und war innerhalb von 20 Minuten um einen Monolog reicher. Endlich mal etwas anderes, etwas erfrischendes. Ich mag Theater, ich liebe Theaterstücke, doch irgendwie haben die immer so eine tendenz zur Kathastrophen Dramatik. Ich brauchte was leichtes, was lustiges, etwas das ich schon lange nicht mehr hatte und ich glaube der Monolog wird lustig. Über ne 28 jährige jungfräuliche Mittbewohnerin rumbitchen, was ist bitte nicht unterhaltsam daran?
Hach ja, solltet ich das buch "My Horizontal Life" by Chelsea Handler (noch) nicht gelesen haben, dann solltet ihr das bald nach hohlen. Eine One Night Stand Collection mit hohem Unterhaltungswert.

Time after midterms - yea, fairytales seldomly come true.

Having midterms over I thought I actually would have some time for myself, but noooo. Too much stuff going on - so much stuff. Well, just wanted you to know.

Shoot done, editing next.

SPOILER ALLERT for everyone who's going to AADA, or is somehow involved with those people.
We finally finished the shoot for Jorgies birthday today. It looks good, real good. I just love my camera, and with a good crew everything is even better.
So it's done. I'm trying to upload pictures that are not too much of a reveal, but you need to see it. Once it's out, I'll probably gonna post the whole thing but for now, just some shots from the set: