Yea, it's me again, but I saw this, and I thought you'd might like it (it's long, and mostly true haha)
You know you live in LA when...
- The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway
- You recognize supposedly East Coast/Mid-west cities in sitcoms as your neighborhood.
- You judge people based on their area code.
- You carry your treatment everywhere in case you run into Steven Spielberg or Tom Hanks
- Your monthly rent is as much as most people's houses
- You could say "The Harbor" "The Long Beach" "The San Diego" and "The Hollywood" freeways, but instead you identify them by number
- You never take the Florence or Normandie exits, no matter how far from South Central you are
- It takes 15 minutes to go 20 miles and an hour to go 10 miles
- If you’re a girl… you can’t remember the last time you dated a guy under 35
- If you’re a guy… you can’t remember the last time you dated a girl over the age of 19
- Nearly every girl you know has had the same creepy old guy offer to take her “shopping”
- You’ve gone out to dinner with someone to “talk business” only to discover that the so-called “agent” was only interested in casting himself into your pants
- You can spot a fake Louis Vutton bag from a mile away
- Everyone you know is either LOADED or FLAT BROKE
- You’ve told someone you eat at Urth Caffe more often than you actually do because you thought it will get them to think you were cool… and it worked!
- You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything Ed Hardy
- You don’t even blink when a 60-year-old man gets into Les Deux before you do
- Getting “back to nature” is a visit to Runyon Canyon
- The club you went to last night has had 3 different names in the last 9 months
- "Do" lunch instead of "have" lunch.
- Send your assistant to Starbucks/Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to pick up your half-decaf/nonfat-soy/sugar-free/double-foam cafe mocha with a shot of expresso and caramel. Send your assistant back, because there isn’t enough foam
- Adopt so you won’t ruin your figure
- Go to yoga in full-makeup and hair
- You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day
- You eat a different ethnic food for every meal
- Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
- You've inadvertently learned Spanish.
- You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
- Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
- If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
- You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
- Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
- You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
- You know Hollywood has a "lake".
- You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
- You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.
- You think that Venice is a beach.
- You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
- Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
- You have a favorite Thai restaurant.
- You eat pineapple on pizza.
- You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.
- When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."
- You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310."
- Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don't panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you're on TV.
- You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
- Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.
- It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.
- You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
- You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
- Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
- You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."
- You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.
- You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.
- You personally know at least 5 people with agents.
- You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.
- You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
- You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
- You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.
- Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.
- The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
- You really can never be too rich or too thin.
- The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.
- The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.
- Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."
- You have never met a waiter that wasn't really an "Actor."
- You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script - any script.
- You call 911 and they put you on hold.
- The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.
- A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don’t drink or smoke, right?"
- All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?
